Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

Well you know what it's time for. That is to say, I've had a blog for a few months now, and there is one topic that has not been mentioned yet. An obvious omission, and I mean to remedy the oversight forthwith. That's right, I'm talking getting "slain in the spirit". (huh?) Yes that's what I meant to type.

My pastor, mainly friend, really, but pastor for the sake of official titles, posted as a comment on my myspace page a video of Benny Hinn footage perfectly choreographed to "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor". Hilarious. And scary. I was, after all, at a Benny Hinn crusade a few years ago, I seem to recall. Okay, what the hell was I thinking? I guess I was a young lad going with my family, and I do remember feeling uncomfortable.

And now a different friend, who is still in the matrix, has posted a myspace bulletin with a link to live streaming footage of some revival meetings happening at some church. You know the type of church I'm talking about, the one whose website not only gives you the option of contributing online, but has 3 categories. Seed faith, kingdom building, and global fire, or something like that. (I think at a mere $500 and up, the global fire level sounded like the best deal.)

Not only is there streaming video, but also a chat room has been set up for people to communicate for some reason. I think its original purpose was for prayer requests, but most everyone seems to be typing "hallelujah" and "yes Jesus" and such. But what caught my eye the most were the occasional comments that really were prayer requests. Things like, "I need help, I'm struggling with anxiety" and "I'm on anti-depressants but I don't think that medication is good I need more of Jesus".

I showed this thing, this internet revival streaming video and chat thing, to my roommate this evening and we both came to the same conclusion. Sad. Very sad. It distresses me to no end that people in certain Christian cultures are made to believe that their best option for mental health is the "laying on of hands" and a really good prayer from a powerful "man of God". Prophetic words are coveted like some sort of spiritual currency that can be redeemed for happiness. Faith in God alone is not enough, I need faith for more signs and wonders, more faith for miracles, more and more faith and then finally everything will make sense, I will really feel the power of God working in me.

If I wake up tomorrow and say that I finally get it, that God healed me in an instant of my depression, please slap me. Or shake me gently, at the very least. Just to remind me I'm not a robot, and was never meant to be one. I am human. I have a soul. I have good days. I have bad ones. I believe in God. He is enough. I don't view my faith like a gas tank. I just have it. I just believe. If God wants to heal me, He will. And I believe He already is. And I believe He will be healing my soul for the rest of my life. I don't want it to happen in an instant. I would lose out on so much pain and so much joy and everything that it means to be human.

I spent so much of my youth just wanting to be different, to be better, to be someone else. I wanted to be happy, and I looked for help the only way I was encouraged to look for it. Altar call after altar call after altar call. And still I cried myself to sleep, asking God for more faith for a miracle. The guilt and the longing, and the spiritual abuse. I am still so shaken when I recall it. I still assume the worst when I see anything labeled Christian.

The desire of my heart is to be in true, Christ-centered community with open arms always outstretched to the poor and the neglected, the hurt and abused, beggars and thieves and orphans all. You know, people. But now you know some of the reasons why I find it hard to call something like this a church. And why I probably won't offer to pray for you. (But if you ask for it, I'll oblige. Just be ready for the anointing oil and the hard fall.)